Underrated coping skill: DVDs

This is the sixth post in the Grey Thinking series, Five of the most underrated coping skills.

This isn’t going to come as any surprise to those of you who have followed Grey Thinking for any length of time…. but watching DVDs of TV series is one of my favorite “coping skills.”  I may be stretching the idea of a “coping skill” a little bit here, but anything to justify my House marathons…

I like to watch four hours of old Grey’s Anatomy episodes (especially during evenings that I’m depressed) because I can check out.  I can focus on Meredith’s dark and twisty issues and secretly hope that Meredith and Derek get back together (clearly I’m in the middle of season three right now).  And it’s not that House’s misery or Meredith’s really screwed up love life makes me feel better about my own or anything.  I just like relationships.  And sarcasm.

Checking out like this is probably not THE healthiest coping mechanism – but it’s much better than the eating disorder.  Sometimes I am overwhelmed and I need to check out.  It’s hard for me to turn off my brain, in a sense.  My mind can wander while I read a book, exercise, walk the dog, clean, etc.  For some reason though, my mind doesn’t wander when I’m watching House.  Things seem so still and the chaos of my life is put on hold.

I say “DVDs” rather than House / Grey’s Anatomy because I have friends who use movies to cope.  Personally, I get really impatient with movies and spend a lot of time thinking “is it over yet?”  They’re more frustrating to me than soothing… but to each her/his own.

photo credit: holamun2

Underrated coping skill: crafting

This is the fifth post in the Grey Thinking series, Five of the most underrated coping skills.

I’m not sure that “crafting” really encompasses the coping skill that I want to mention, but it’s the best term that I could come up with.  When I say “crafting,” I mean any of the following:

1. coloring
2. making collages
3. sudoku /crossword puzzles
4. word searches
5. computer solitaire
6. kitting
7. drawing / painting
8. origami

…see my point?  Semi-creative (and low-stress) activities that keep your hands busy.  I don’t know what it is about keeping my hands busy, but it really helps with the anxiety.

Personally, I prefer coloring & sudoku… mainly because they don’t really require any thought.  I can stress out about drawing because I don’t know where to start or I am worried about screwing it up.  With coloring… it’s way harder to screw up and limited decisions have to be made.  I know people who really get a lot more out of art than just being distracted and it can really be therapeutic for them.  I have days like that, but usually I’m just looking for a good, basically mindless activity.

Underrated coping skill: kudos charts

This is the fourth post in the Grey Thinking series, Five of the most underrated coping skills.

If you don’t know what a “kudos chart is” – it’s a sticker chart.  You know those charts that your mom made when you were five that had actions like “make bed” and “brush teeth” on it?  Yep, those.  I heard someone refer to them as “kudos charts” on twitter several months back, and since my current chart is not actually using stickers, I’m going to go with that terminology.

My explanation is simple: a kudos chart worked for me when I was five, and twenty years later it is still a helpful tool.

What kind of things do I have on my kudos chart?

1. Follow meal plan
2. Take calcium supplement
3. Get 7+ hours of sleep
4. Go through the mail
5. Blog

That’s not all, but you get the picture – it’s a mixture of eating disorder goals and regular life tasks.  I never have more than 7 goals, for three main reasons:

1. then I’m not really focusing on the important tasks
2. it gets cumbersome to remember and record too many things
3. only seven fit on my chart

Not only do I get satisfaction of checking off items each day, but at the end of the day / week I add up all my “kudos” for my “kudos score.”  It’s a quick and satisfying way to motivate myself… and I think that other people could definitely benefit from such a tool.

Underrated coping skill: card stores

This is the second post in the Grey Thinking series, Five of the most underrated coping skills.

I don’t know why more people don’t hang out in card stores.  Just think about it… when you have a friend that’s upset, it’s not uncommon to send them some kind of “cheer up / feel better” card.  So, if you’re upset… doesn’t it just make sense to spend an hour in a card shop and read 100 of those?

I know that there is more to getting cards than the card itself (say… the thought behind it), but funny cards make people feel better.  I scan the aisles at Barnes & Noble nearly weekly for new stickmen cards and can’t help but laugh at Hoops & Yoyo.  Card stores are just a win-win for everyone.

Positive self-help or self-hurt?

I’ve written several posts on the negative aspects of therapy as well as my disdain and frustration with positive self-talk, so I was pretty excited to see this headline: Study Shows The Negative Side To Positive Self-Statements In Self-Help Books

“…individuals with low self-esteem actually felt worse about themselves after repeating positive self-statements.”

“…paradoxically, low self-esteem participants’ moods fared better when they were allowed to have negative thoughts than when they were asked to focus exclusively on affirmative thoughts.”

Now, I don’t think I’ve ever claimed positive self-talk caused anyone to feel worse… but personally, I’ve never found it helpful as a coping mechanism. The results of the study do make some sense to me, though. Saying completely untrue statements like “I accept myself completely” make me feel further from that as a goal. I start to think, “Will I ever really accept myself completely? What’s wrong with me that I can’t right now? Does it matter if I do? Will I really feel better if I do?”

Also, the article makes a good point with being “allowed to have negative thoughts.” I think that often only positive affirmations are used in treatment in recovery. Things like “Everyone can get better,” “I know that you will beat this, you are such a strong person,” “You have too much potential to struggle with this forever,” “You’re making amazing progress,” etc. are all meant as motivational compliments. Maybe for some people they are… but again, I am backwards and actually feel a little invalidated when I hear how awesome I am doing in recovery. I don’t mind my therapist telling me I’ve made a lot of progress, but I do mind being told that I am doing great when I am feeling crappy. Additionally, sometimes I do worry that I will never get over this or that I will be considered “recovered” once I am 100% ideal body weight, regardless of whether or not I feel mentally/emotionally okay. I’d rather be told that she (therapist) knows that I am struggling and that she is there to support me, and that those fears are understandable becuase people do die from this illness or suffer from it their entire lives, but that I’m in treatment and working for something better than that.

I would love to see if there is a difference between others giving you affirmations vs. you creating them yourselves. I have a letter from an old therapist that says “you are more than enough” as well as a card from a different professional that says, “there are people who care deeply about you.” Both of these are comments that I could tell myself (I am lovable, my family and friends love me, etc.) but they are only significant because I care about and really look up to the people who gave them to me. I guess that’s what makes it so different from positive SELF-talk.