Diagnosis: “Wannarexia”

“However, there are those who adopt extreme thinness as a lifestyle choice. Such people – aspiring anorexics, or “wannarexics” – are more representative of what you may be seeing in your daughter. Wannarexics imitate the behaviour of those with eating disorders so as to be, for example, a size zero. They are generally underweight but are not anorexic, as their behaviours are not as extreme.”

“Wannarexia comes from wanting to fit in. Girls as young as 5 identify greater weight with lesser popularity; they want to be Barbie. Pre-teens learn that not eating is a sign of a strong will, and size zero is their goal.”

— Times Online

I hate seeing made-up pro-anorexia lingo being used in real publications. “Wannarexia” is not a real disorder. It’s not a real anything.

Wannarexia makes anorexia sound like a choice, and there is plenty of literature out there to prove that it is in fact an illness. Eating disorders are biologically based. They are also not about some quest to be “a size zero.” And, the “they want to be Barbie” comment–seriously? I mean, maybe giving Barbies to little kids does promote an unhealthy models of the female body that sticks with them and influences their perception of “beauty” as they get older… but lots of kids play with Barbies and turn out okay.

If someone is a “wannarexic,” that means they already have a problem. They have disordered eating–at least. Maybe they are “generally underweight but are not anorexic,” just because they haven’t hit that stage in their illness yet. You have to start somewhere, you know… you don’t go from healthy to anorexic overnight.

If you are healthy, you don’t want to be anorexic. Maybe you want to be thin, but you don’t want to starve yourself and you don’t want to be severely underweight.

This pro-anorexia term really minimizes the seriousness of the disorder and invalidates the struggle that individuals go to over come it. In this particular article, they are labeling a woman’s daughter with wannarexia. Poor daughter! If you are struggling with eating, body image, weight, self-esteem, depression, and whatever else, the worst thing that someone could tell you is, “You don’t have a real issue — you just WISH that you had one. You’re a wanna-be.” How invalidating and thoughtless and demeaning.

Diagnosis: "Wannarexia"

“However, there are those who adopt extreme thinness as a lifestyle choice. Such people – aspiring anorexics, or “wannarexics” – are more representative of what you may be seeing in your daughter. Wannarexics imitate the behaviour of those with eating disorders so as to be, for example, a size zero. They are generally underweight but are not anorexic, as their behaviours are not as extreme.”

“Wannarexia comes from wanting to fit in. Girls as young as 5 identify greater weight with lesser popularity; they want to be Barbie. Pre-teens learn that not eating is a sign of a strong will, and size zero is their goal.”

— Times Online

I hate seeing made-up pro-anorexia lingo being used in real publications. “Wannarexia” is not a real disorder. It’s not a real anything.

Wannarexia makes anorexia sound like a choice, and there is plenty of literature out there to prove that it is in fact an illness. Eating disorders are biologically based. They are also not about some quest to be “a size zero.” And, the “they want to be Barbie” comment–seriously? I mean, maybe giving Barbies to little kids does promote an unhealthy models of the female body that sticks with them and influences their perception of “beauty” as they get older… but lots of kids play with Barbies and turn out okay.

If someone is a “wannarexic,” that means they already have a problem. They have disordered eating–at least. Maybe they are “generally underweight but are not anorexic,” just because they haven’t hit that stage in their illness yet. You have to start somewhere, you know… you don’t go from healthy to anorexic overnight.

If you are healthy, you don’t want to be anorexic. Maybe you want to be thin, but you don’t want to starve yourself and you don’t want to be severely underweight.

This pro-anorexia term really minimizes the seriousness of the disorder and invalidates the struggle that individuals go to over come it. In this particular article, they are labeling a woman’s daughter with wannarexia. Poor daughter! If you are struggling with eating, body image, weight, self-esteem, depression, and whatever else, the worst thing that someone could tell you is, “You don’t have a real issue — you just WISH that you had one. You’re a wanna-be.” How invalidating and thoughtless and demeaning.

The dark side of inpatient stays

‘But I ask myself if an eating disorder unit is the best place for an impressionable young girl to be,’ says Deanne Jade. ‘As any inpatient will tell you, a specialist unit is the best place to learn how to be really, really good at anorexia.’ They also breed their own subculture.

— Still at war with our bodies

Oh, what a statement! This article is a couple of years old, but I still think it’s bold to suggest that the “highest level of care” for eating disorders actually makes people sicker. Everyone’s inpatient experience is different… but there is a lot of truth to this statement.

What about inpatient stays can make people sicker?

1. Exposure to the sickest of the sick. You know who these people are… the frequent flyers who have the most severe symptoms and often are the most manipulative and/or resistant to change.
2. Picking up other ED symptoms that you didn’t originally have. It’s not unheard of for a restricting anorexic to pick up purging after treatment.
3. Competition among eating disorders. This ranges from being the thinnest, eating the least, and having the most inpatient stays to comparing “worst BP episode” and visits to the ER.
4. Unhealthy modeling. Everyone around you is doing a great job of modeling ED-behaviors.. but other than the staff, there’s not a lot of “healthy eating” modeling going on.
5. Negative attitude toward treatment. If you weren’t originally treatment-resistant, there’s nothing like being surrounded by a group of girls who don’t want to be there to kill your motivation.
6. No life outside of the eating disorder. This is such a catch 22 of ED treatment… by making your recovery first and putting everything else on hold, your whole day revolves around the ED–which is kinda want the eating disorder wants. There’s no stress of school or work because all you’re doing is eating and sitting in eating disorder therapy.

As as for “breed[ing] their own subculture”… well, I’ve always said that there is an eating disorder world. You make friends in treatment. After discharge, you keep up and talk about how everyone is doing… is so-and-so back in treatment? I heard so-and-so is doing really poorly. Because you’ve given up school or work to go into treatment, the most interesting things going on in your life are your therapy and nutrition appointments. Everyone talks to each other about their appointments. You send each other cards. You continue doing the same arts and crafts that you were doing inpatient. Everyone’s lives are still consumed by the eating disorder so no one is doing great. It’s all very dysfunctional.

This is not true to everyone’s experience (not even necessarily to mine) and often residential treatment is the level of care that someone needs to get better and make progress in his/her recovery. My own inpatient stays were KEY to my recovery. However, negative stuff does go around in treatment. It’s kind of the dark side of inpatient treatment that people don’t talk about very often.

Size sometimes matters

Laura Collins raised a GREAT question today — Does (mom’s) size matter? While I have a lot to say about the matter, two main points come to mind:

1. Mothers with eating disorders
I think that your mother’s weight and behaviors surrounding food are much more relevant in recovery than in the downward eating disorder spiral. Parents model for their kids — I’d argue that this is even true for adult kids (adult kids, ha — you know what I mean). While I think that the eating habits of everyone around you definitely influence your own, there is something about mom’s that sets the bar.

In recovery, you’re feeling particularly self-conscious about weight and food. You are looking around at others to figure out what “normal” is. You are also overly conscious of the size of everyone around you — as well as what they’re eating.

So… what if your mother is anorexic? Or, not necessarily even anorexic, but what if she is health-obsessed or a compulsive over-exerciser? You’re trusting your dietitian when she says that ALL women do need xxxx calories, and trusting your therapist when she explains that disordered eating is unhealthy and a poor coping mechanism. Maybe you’re still trying to convince yourself that you DO have an issue (denial = a large part of EDs) or that treatment is important.

And then there’s mom — who is underweight and not eating xxxx calories a day (not that you’re counting your mother’s calories). And she seems okay… and it’s not a problem for her… so why is it a problem for you?

You want your mom to be the parent. You want her to model what you’re supposed to do, because you don’t really know (or trust) what you’re supposed to do. Recovery is hard enough without having to wrestle with this size double standard. I don’t think it really matters what “size” your mother is, as long as she isn’t unhealthily underweight and/or actively losing weight while you are trying to recover.

2. Families changing their eating because of your ED
I’ve always been afraid that my eating habits would rub off on my family (or something like that) and change their eating. I guess I never really worried about my mom gaining weight while I was gaining weight… but with all the focus on the eating disorder, would my mom or sisters suddenly become more food and weight conscious? Or — would anyone pick up some of my ED tendencies?

It’s somewhat unfortunate that eating disorders don’t exist in a vacuum. I do think the size of people around you affect your perception and expectations of your own size. I also worry that eating disorders hurt families in several ways — maybe one of them being and increased obsessiveness over food and weight. And, if that is the case — I hope that doesn’t last.

Tis the Season for Comparing

“Holiday” and “reflection” go hand-in-hand for me. Actually, I think the equation is more like this:

holidays + remembering to be thankful + being at home + the annual family Christmas card photo = reflection.

Reflection might not be such a bad thing… but reflection leads to comparing. There is still the day-to-day comparing myself to others in my surrounding (although I think I’m getting better about this), but this time of year leads me to compare myself to former versions of myself.

I blame a lot of this on the family Christmas card (a convenient scapegoat). There’s nothing like being able to physically line up images of myself over the years and make harsh judgments. I treat my picture each year almost as if I were a different person. Somehow I am not the same person as I was before… maybe before I was happier, or thinner, or smarter, or more considerate–who knows what it could be. I’m looking for an indication that I am a worse person now.

I know how disordered this all sounds, but there is something about self vs. self comparison that is much more significant than comparing myself to the person standing in front of me in the check-out line. Somehow these images say something about me as a person.

I know that comparing is a big problem for most people with eating disorders, but I wonder how many people beat themselves up over not measuring up to their former selves? I may possibly be my biggest trigger.

I am a beautiful person

This is not going to be an insightful or even remotely academically-based post — nope, just something that’s on my mind today: Positive Self Talk (PST).  I have to know… does this actually help anyone?  If you are having a lousy body image day and stand in the mirror and tell yourself that you are a beautiful person… do you feel better?  Because on these days when I am truly depressed over weight or self-image or the like, there is NO self-love coming out of my mouth.  These are days where I avoid the mirror and scale at all costs and wear clothing that I know will absolutely fit… and when I try my hardest to distract myself with work and friends and my dog and to not wallow in my bad body image-inspired depression.

Now, there are some “better” days where maybe my jeans are tight and I’ll make excuses for myself… I ate 300% of my DV of sodium yesterday or I just pulled them out of the wash or something… but still, I am never in the mood to plant myself in front of the mirror with a list of affirmations.

I only bring this up because a certain body image therapist highly recommends that I practice some PST… and I have to know if others get something out of this.  I’m really not writing this post out of ignorance but out of frustration.  Please–change my mind about it.