Chronic anxiety is better

Coloring aside (and other “active meditation,” I guess), there is something that I hate about meditation (guided imagery especially). Deep breathing maybe helps me when I’m starting to freak out, but I think that’s because I’m telling myself “chill, take a moment, calm down, relax, collect yourself, you’ll be okay.” However, breathing deeply does stop my heart from beating so quickly.

Meditation is different though. I think it’s frustrating and I feel so impatient with it. It’s supposed to be calming, but really it just wears on my attention span and my nerves. It’s like when you’re stuck sitting at a red-light in the middle of the night, and are the only car there. You are watching that light and a minute goes by…. another minute… and you start thinking, “Seriously? You have to be kidding.” Another minute goes by and you are convinced the thing is broken. FINALLY the light changes.

I’ve had several therapistic explanations for this:

1. I think I am a human doing, rather than a human being.
2. I am uncomfortable sitting with myself.
3. Meditating is letting my guard down and I am afraid to make myself that vulnerable.
4. That’s my eating disorder talking (which I don’t think is really even relevant in this situation, but I swear there are therapists who say this about everything)

I think I can sit with myself and be calm. I love long car rides, coloring, napping, walking the dog… if you don’t count any of these “sitting with yourself and being a human being,” then what else besides meditation fits into this category?

When I am feeling panicky and anxious, meditation is about the last thing in the world that I want to do. It sounds so wrong when you state it this way, but some degree of anxiety is less painful than meditation! I think it’s great that meditation is calming and refreshing for some people… but I am convinced that meditation is not for everyone, and that it’s not necessarily a symptom of mental illness.

Thanksgiving Advice from NEDA

While in the past I have been disappointed with some of NEDA’s literature/suggestions for coping with an eating disorder, I found their “Twelve Ideas to Help People with eating Disorder Negotiate the Holidays” to have some useful tips. To summarize:

1. Eat regularly and don’t try to compensate for what you just ate or are about to eat.
2. Focus on the spirit of the holiday (relationships, things your thankful for, etc).
3. Discuss the holiday ahead of time with your treatment team.
4. Come up with a game plan–who are your support people? Where are your exits if you need to escape?
5. Talk with loved ones about other important issues/themes in your life (non-food or body image related)
6. Decide ahead of time who you can call for support if you’re struggling.
7. Have one friend/relative be your “reality check” with food.
8. Take a few minutes, several times a day, to center yourself
9. Make your goals about “doing something” rather than trying to prevent something.
10. Try to be flexible.
11. Stay active in treatment as much as possible.
12. Avoid “overstressing” and “overbooking” yourself

I found a few of these to be particularly helpful:
1. Eat regularly and don’t compensate – I’m not one to treat Thanksgiving as the “last supper,” but I do definitely try to compensate before and after for the meal…. rather than treating it as a regular day. I think that somewhat planning ahead and figuring out what you’re going to eat throughout the day (including at dinner) could be helpful.

2. Come up with a game plan – Excellent idea… it’s definitely possible to work things out so that you sit next to a certain person (or avoid someone else). I think that having an exit plan is also key. Things seem far less stressful to me when I don’t feel trapped.

3. Decide ahead of time who you’ll call for support – Who’s your person? (Grey’s Anatomy Reference). You need someone to be able to text “SOS.”

4. Take a few minutes a day to center yourself – I am really not into the deep breathing/guided meditation stuff… but when I’m at home I can get so caught up in the old atmosphere. Suddenly it’s like I’m in high school again…with the same issues, same arguments with my siblings, etc. I need to remind myself all the time, “Let it go. This is not your real life. In three days you will go home and not even remember the argument you had with your sister.”

5. Make your goals about “doing something” rather than preventing something – I think it’s much more constructive when you have something to DO… not something to avoid. I am going to eat turkey, I am going to excuse myself from the table, I am going to get out of the house, etc. Rather than “I am not going to let my uncle’s remarks get to me.”

For me, I think the biggest thing is making my sanity the priority. I am so preoccupied with trying to entertain everyone and guard against any suspicions that I still may have eating issues, that I completely disregard how I’m feeling. As a result I put myself in situations that I cannot handle (well). I like to think that I can eat intuitively this whole trip, not planning anything… but somewhere I know that’s not smart. I’d consider Thanksgiving to be a “high risk” situation. You shouldn’t be unprepared.

Disappointed in NEDA’s “Health Eating 101”

I should have taken the headline as a disclaimer (Healthy Eating 101), but coming from a great eating disorder blog, I have pretty high expectations.

The Eating Disordered Times republished the National Eating Disorders Association’s 10 Tips on promoting healthy relationship with food. These are the guidelines:

1. Eat when you are hungry. Stop eating when you are full.
2. There are no “good” or “bad” foods, so eat lots of different foods, including fruits, vegetables and even sweets sometimes.
3. Eat different types of snacks: sometimes raisins, sometimes cheese, sometimes a cookie, or sometimes carrot sticks or celery dipped in peanut butter.
4. If you are sad, mad or bored, find something to do other than eating.
5. People who exercise and stay active are healthier and better able to do what they want to do, no matter what they weigh.
6. Try to find a sport or activity that you like, then do it.
7. Good health, feeling good about yourself and having fun go hand in hand. Try different hobbies, such as drawing, playing music or making things.
8. Remind yourself that healthy bodies come in all sizes.
9. Some people believe that fat people are bad, sick and out of control, while thin people are good, healthy and in control. This is not true. And it is hurtful.
10. Do not tease people and don’t laugh at other people’s jokes about fat (or thin) people or short (or tall) people.

In the spirit of these guidelines, I would like to add a few of my own:

• Don’t eat too much. Or too little. Always just eat the correct amount.
• Eat blueberries. Some people say they’re a miracle food.
• Don’t read tabloids. Or watch TV. Or do anything else where people may mention food, weight, or calories.
• If you feel like you’re going to binge, don’t.
• Hang a poster of the food pyramid on your bedroom wall. All people with healthy food relationships have one.
• Never stress out, or get upset, or tired, or frustrated, or angry. Just be great all of the time. People in a good mood feel better than people who are in a bad mood.

… do you see my point? How is this list helpful? If I had to come up with some REAL suggestions…

1. Make a point to eat with your family / friends / coworkers — whoever — as often as possible. Eating by yourself isn’t a great idea.
2. Throw in some spontaneity. Eat ice cream for lunch one day, breakfast for dinner another day… Don’t let eating become rigid or mundane.
3. Get a dog. Okay, slight tangent, but I think everyone should have one. And walking the dog is good 😉
4. Don’t get a scale.
5. You have to model the kind of eating that you’re trying to preach. You can’t encourage your kids to not stress over weight when you are crash-dieting yourself.
6. Don’t buy all diet food. Don’t buy all super-healthy foods. Your kids aren’t doing lo-carb! Let them eat goldfish crackers. And teddy grahams.

… and there you have it. Maybe my list isn’t “healthy eating 101,” but it’s at least useful

Tags: eating disorder, NEDA, health eating 101, healthy relationship with food, national eating disorders association, eating disorder recovery, food guidelines

Disappointed in NEDA's "Health Eating 101"

I should have taken the headline as a disclaimer (Healthy Eating 101), but coming from a great eating disorder blog, I have pretty high expectations.

The Eating Disordered Times republished the National Eating Disorders Association’s 10 Tips on promoting healthy relationship with food. These are the guidelines:

1. Eat when you are hungry. Stop eating when you are full.
2. There are no “good” or “bad” foods, so eat lots of different foods, including fruits, vegetables and even sweets sometimes.
3. Eat different types of snacks: sometimes raisins, sometimes cheese, sometimes a cookie, or sometimes carrot sticks or celery dipped in peanut butter.
4. If you are sad, mad or bored, find something to do other than eating.
5. People who exercise and stay active are healthier and better able to do what they want to do, no matter what they weigh.
6. Try to find a sport or activity that you like, then do it.
7. Good health, feeling good about yourself and having fun go hand in hand. Try different hobbies, such as drawing, playing music or making things.
8. Remind yourself that healthy bodies come in all sizes.
9. Some people believe that fat people are bad, sick and out of control, while thin people are good, healthy and in control. This is not true. And it is hurtful.
10. Do not tease people and don’t laugh at other people’s jokes about fat (or thin) people or short (or tall) people.

In the spirit of these guidelines, I would like to add a few of my own:

• Don’t eat too much. Or too little. Always just eat the correct amount.
• Eat blueberries. Some people say they’re a miracle food.
• Don’t read tabloids. Or watch TV. Or do anything else where people may mention food, weight, or calories.
• If you feel like you’re going to binge, don’t.
• Hang a poster of the food pyramid on your bedroom wall. All people with healthy food relationships have one.
• Never stress out, or get upset, or tired, or frustrated, or angry. Just be great all of the time. People in a good mood feel better than people who are in a bad mood.

… do you see my point? How is this list helpful? If I had to come up with some REAL suggestions…

1. Make a point to eat with your family / friends / coworkers — whoever — as often as possible. Eating by yourself isn’t a great idea.
2. Throw in some spontaneity. Eat ice cream for lunch one day, breakfast for dinner another day… Don’t let eating become rigid or mundane.
3. Get a dog. Okay, slight tangent, but I think everyone should have one. And walking the dog is good 😉
4. Don’t get a scale.
5. You have to model the kind of eating that you’re trying to preach. You can’t encourage your kids to not stress over weight when you are crash-dieting yourself.
6. Don’t buy all diet food. Don’t buy all super-healthy foods. Your kids aren’t doing lo-carb! Let them eat goldfish crackers. And teddy grahams.

… and there you have it. Maybe my list isn’t “healthy eating 101,” but it’s at least useful

Tags: eating disorder, NEDA, health eating 101, healthy relationship with food, national eating disorders association, eating disorder recovery, food guidelines